Friday, 6 January 2012

Bad Hair Daze

Bad Hair Daze
Originally Broadcast April 2010

Bad Hair Days
Twitter Story
Could twenty foot of avocet blond hair be the way to meet the man of Zel’s dreams, or will her jealous boss thwart her chances of romance?
9.20 am  
Second month at Hair Magic Magazine. Evelyn Chantres, the vampish boss, blows a bit hot and cold, but I’m doing OK.
Katie, so called mate and sub-editor, has just blown me out for Friday night drinks –she’s off to Brighton for a weekend with her boyfriend.
Aarg! I need to get out of this all female office and meet a nice guy, before I turn dyke.
Expecting a delivery of hair products from Handson Price to review today, but no joy yet.
2.00 pm
Evelyn’s watching me again from her office window. She treats me like an intern, running around at her whim. I’m supposed to be a writer.
5.00 pm  
Seems our main door buzzer is broken and no-one told me! Not much good when office on top floor. 
Called Handson Price –seems the poor guy did try to deliver today, but has gone home now. Hopefully he’ll try again tomorrow.
7.00 pm  
Evelyn stood right next to me in the lift, touched my hair, and said she liked it in this colour, but it would suit me better shorter. Creepy.
The guy from Handson Price called back. His name's Richard, he was amused by our crummy buzzer. He wants to come tomorrow –oh gawd!
 Looks like another Saturday in the office then–At least I got to give a guy my mobile number,  even if it is so he can call me to be let in.
Just realised I’ve given my number to a complete stranger, and told him I’ll be at the office on my own –I’m so stupid sometimes.
-I swear Evelyn just sniffed my hair by the drinks machine. Creepy. 
Note to self: dye hair and grow long.
Only Evelyn was up for going out after work tonight –noo thank you. So I’m at home, with only Ben and Jerry for company.
10.30 am
Busy the morning; testing the new creative hair extension kit I’m reviewing for next month’s issue.  It’s just as well there’s no-one here.
It seems the hair extensions come on a reel, which you cut to length, and attach using a handy hair-glue gun thingy, - 
Have decided to use the whole reel, then cut after, to see what having stupidly-long, Evelyn-repellent, hair looks like. Ha!
12.30 pm  
Thanks to ‘Creative Hair’, I now have 20ft long avocet blond hair. It’s very heavy and trails behind me, knocking everything off the desks. 
Must write an article about this: ‘A week with the longest hair in the world’; the readers will love it! 
1.30 pm   Been typing away for about an hour. it’s pretty hot in this hair. Not sure I can last an afternoon, let alone a week! 
Nearly finished the review, just the manufacturers blurb to go –It’s hot in this hair. Not sure I can last an afternoon, let alone a week! 
1.35 pm 
 Just discovered that my earlier swishing flaunts have knocked the hair-glue thingy off the desk. Where has it gone I wonder?
Can’t find the blurb; my earlier swishes around the office knocked half the stuff off my desk –OMG where’s the hair-glue thingy gone?
Oh bum! seems I’ve glued my extensions to the carpet. I can stand up, but otherwise I’m tethered to a spot next to desk. Time for the chop.
1.37 pm  
No scissors! –well, not any within 5ft of my desk. Maybe I can saw through it with a ruler.
Help! Ruler not working, will trying chewing my way through it.,.
This hair tastes funny and I now have a strange tingling sensation in my lips, stupid hair glue thingy!
I can’t believe I work for a magazine about hair, haircuts and hairdressing, and there aren’t any scissors.
Big bum, arse, tushy.
Don’t want to be glued here for the weekend! Need a pee –suppose I could call the fire brigade.
2.00 pm  
Just got a text from Richard: he’s outside front door. There may be hope for my bladder yet, if my not dignity!
I’ve texted him back: ‘In slight predicmnt cant come 2 door. Wil throw keys down. Mind hed.’ 
2.20 pm  
Was able to reach and operate window latch with foot, then shove it open. Have now thrown out keys. Hope I didn’t hit him. 
Not exactly at my best for impressing men right now, considering ridiculous hair glued to carpet, but a quick slap of lippy won’t hurt.
2.30 pm  
I’m saved! Richard is here: yay!
Loo at last! Richard had scissors in the box he brought. He’s far too attractive to be single, and he works in hair fashion...hmmm…
What a day. Richard is sooo lovely! He saw the funny side of my silly hair experiment and joked whilst he was cutting me free.
I’m home now. Going over to Mum and Dad’s for dinner later –even if it does mean flak for my hair. Think I’ll stay over for a lazy Sunday.
9.30am ish
Got total ribbing from my co-workers about the hair thing Saturday. Seems the CCTV recorded the whole thing. 
Why is the CCTV pointed at my desk?
Katie said they were going to put the video on youtube, but she decided it was too cruel. Glad I’ve got at least one ally here.
Evelyn has just given me a real dressing down about ruining the carpet.
Katie now tells me my rescuer on Saturday was THE Richard Handson, co-founder of Handson Price. And there he was, cutting me out of my hair.
Got a text  from Richard: ‘Glad I could help Saturday, liked long weave, 2feet is plenty. See you tomorrow‘–OMG, must sort hair.
Richard, sorry: Mr Handson,  is due at our offices again today for a meeting with Evelyn. 
I think Richard likes me; he brought a latte up for me. Asked if my hair had grown before he went into Evelyn’s office. 
Evelyn just gave me a really narrow eye look through her office window. Now what have I done?
12.30 pm  
I’ve been sent out to pick up lunches from the Deli, for Evelyn and Richard 
It’s always so busy at the Deli round lunchtime. They should serve snacks to keep you going whilst you queue.
1.15 pm  
Got back and find coffee ‘somehow’ spilt all over my desk, and mobile. Mobile now dead. Damn! Richard’s number frazzled with it.
Richard hasn’t been in touch. Surely he could phone the office number?
Have tried phoning Handson Price but his trained rottweiler on reception won’t put me through. Left message.
Must stop thinking about Richard; he’s obviously not thinking about me. Sit it out, wait till he calls, don’t let him know I’m desperate. 
Not desperate –who am I kidding.
Tried Handson Price again, got the rottweiler, again. That’s embarrassing, she probably thinks I’m stalking her boss...hmmm...perhaps I am.
 Evelyn got off phone in a foul mood this morning. She told me to stop harassing Handson Price; they spend a lot on advertising in the Mag.
What am I doing mooning over Richard; even if he likes women, he’s out of my league.
My punishment has been to set me looking through back issues for old reviews all day.
My shoulders ache, my eyeballs ache, even my hair aches. Only one thing for it: an entire evening in the bath.
Oh, not again. Evelyn has me looking through old ‘how-to’ articles today. I think my brain is going to melt.
Must make optician appt. –eyes now can’t focus more than ten feet away. 
I’ve been sent out to the coffee shop for coffees, I feel like Evelyn’s lackey, but at least I’m out of the office for half an hour.
Thought I just saw Richard across the street, but my eyes are still doing odd things; it could have been any guy with a suit.
5.00 pm 
Going out for drinks tonight with Katie and the others. I’ve earned it, and I’m damn well going to let my hair down.
Urg, hangover hair.
Gawd, I look like Medusa, –got to cut those extensions out.
8.00 pm 
 Given up on men, perhaps I'll give lesbianism a try, or maybe just chocolate ice cream. Decided to cut hair short and dye it red again.
Given up on men, nice ones anyway. Are they just a fantasy: like unicorns? I need something I can believe in: like chocolate ice cream.
Katie is coming over later to do my hair. It can’t be any worse than the rat’s nest I’ve made of it.
And like a phoenix, the redhead rises from the sink. 
Cinnamon Fire it said on the packet: Scarlet Fury is more like it –I can live with that.
Katie’s advice: stop mooning over Richard, buck-up and move on; no-one likes a misery-guts. Katie does pragmatic from the hip.
8.10 am
Spotted Richard at the station this morning. He seemed to look right past me, like he couldn’t see me. Well two can play at that game.
More back issues to go through. I’m feeling pretty low right now. Men, don’t talk to me about men.
Katie is trying to be nice, she asked me to come out and meet up with her boyfriend for lunch. I declined.
I now have a back issue-induced headache behind my eyes. I’m going home, I don’t care what Evelyn thinks.
9.00 am
Called in sick; I still have a headach, I don’t know what to do. I have to think.
I’ll never get a reference if I quit the Magazine now; I haven’t been there long enough. But I can’t stay, the way things are.
3.00 -4.00
I wonder if I can get ice cream delivered?
Bleh, TV, bleh, bed.
Phoned in sick again. Katie answered, she said Richard called twice yesterday, asking for me. I told her if it’s work it can wait; I’m ill.
I think I’ll ignore him, serves him right.
Can’t Richard wait till I get back to work? It’s bad enough being at Evelyn’s beck and call. 
Just called Katie and to get the number for Handson Price. She told me she has something interesting to show me on the CCTV when I get back.
Getting mighty sick of Richard’s rottweiler, had to leave a message again. Hmph, he phoned me!
Got back to work this morning with a little trepidation, but no need to worry Evelyn was out getting her hair done.
Katie just showed me that bit of CCTV footage she was on about. More on that later; Evelyn has just come back and called me into her office.
She was going to chew me out again but I got Katie to show her the CCTV from last Tuesday, which had still been pointing at my desk.
Concessions wrung from Evelyn: no more running round for coffees, I got a new iphone, and an apology –in-front of everyone. Yay!
I owe Katie a drink; the CCTV footage shows Evelyn, come to my desk pick up my phone, read the messages, then drop it into my coffee cup. 
New hpone greay, bar drinks, Katie LOL
I was late in by ten minutes, I missed the 8.15 train and had to catch the 8.25. Evelyn didn’t say anything.
Phoned the rottweiler and gave her my new mobile number. Joked about Richard playing message tag with me. I guess She’s OK really.
Richard phoned me back! He wants to meet for lunch.
Lunch update: Richard has taken me to his club. The food is fantastic, and the company, of course. I could get used to this.
Seems Evelyn had told Richard I was feeling harassed by him, he’d texted me back to say sorry. Must have been when she coffeed my phone.
Richard thinks I could sue Evelyn, but I think I’ll let her off, this time anyway.
Afternoon Update: Richard has asked me out to dinner Tomorrow, to make up for all the trouble, it wasn’t his fault, but I’m flattered he cares.
Dinner OMG what am I going to wear –arrg! What about my hair?
Hi I’m Zel Green and I work as a features writer at Hair Magic Magazine, the boss I can handle. Princes to date: 1
The End
Written by Simon Cornish @unforgivingmuse
Edited by Sarah Farley @smallislandtale
Thanks to @Profwriting

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